50 Communication Strategies

I’ve assembled (and rewrote) some of my blog posts and a variety of other brief pieces into a book that I published with iUniverse, a subsidy publisher (recently acquired by Penguin, a division of Pearson), called 50 Communication Strategies. One of the advantages of publishing a book this way was that I didn’t need an agent. Textbook authors rarely have agents; in fact, I don’t know of one textbook author who does have an agent. The other great advantage is that you don’t have to write a proposal. There are also disadvantages to doing a book this way as well. But, on balance, the procedure was relatively painless and certainly fast moving.  They even set up a website for the book—www.50communicationstrategies.com. In general, I'm very pleased with the finished product.

Read More

Interaction Management

The term interaction management has been used in a variety of studies on interpersonal communication and refers to the techniques and strategies by which you regulate and carry on interpersonal interactions. It is certainly one of the essential interpersonal skills. Effective interaction management results in an interaction that’s satisfying to both parties. Neither person feels ignored or that he or she must carry on the entire conversation; each contributes to, benefits from, and enjoys the interpersonal exchange.

Of course, all interpersonal communication theory, research, and skills are devoted to the effective management of interpersonal interactions. Here, however, are three specific suggestions:

<  Maintain your role as speaker or listener and pass the opportunity to speak back and forth—through appropriate eye movements, vocal expressions, and body and facial gestures. This will show that you’re in control of and comfortable in the interaction.

<  Keep the conversation fluent, avoiding long and awkward pauses. Powerful people always have something to say. For example, it’s been found that patients are less satisfied with their interaction with their doctor when the silences between their comments and the doctor’s responses are overly long.

<  Communicate with verbal and nonverbal messages that are consistent and reinforce each other. Avoid sending mixed messages or contradictory signals—for example, a nonverbal message that contradicts the verbal message. These will signal indecision and hence a lack of power.

Read More

Equality

Here is a brief discussion of equality as a communication strategy to add to those already posted.

In interpersonal communication the term equalityrefers to an attitude or approach that treats each person as an important and vital contributor to the interaction. In any situation, of course, there will be some inequality; one person will be higher in the organizational hierarchy, more knowledgeable, or more interpersonally effective. But despite this fact, an attitude of superiority is to be avoided. Interpersonal communication is generally more effective when it takes place in an atmosphere of equality.

Here are a few suggestions for communicating equality in all interactions, and especially in those involving conflict.

<  Avoid “should” and “ought” statements (for example, “You really should call your mother more often” or “You should learn to speak up”). These statements put the listener in a one-down position.

<  Make requests (especially courteous ones) and avoid demands (especially discourteous ones).

<  Avoid interrupting; this signals an unequal relationship and implies that what you have to say is more important than what the other person is saying.

<  Acknowledge the other person’s contributions before expressing your own. Saying “I see,” “I understand,” or “That’s right” lets the other person know you’re listening and understanding.

<  Recognize that different cultures treat equality very differently. In low-power-distance cultures there is greater equality than in high-power-distance cultures, in which status differences greatly influence interpersonal interactions.

Read More

Communication Strategies: Supportiveness

Continuing with my attempt to spell out the various communication strategies, here is a little item on supportiveness--taken from my Essentials of Human Communication which has the most complete discussion of Gibb's system.
     One of the best ways to look at destructive versus productive talk is to look at how the style of your communications can create unproductive defensiveness or a productive sense of supportiveness, a system developed by Jack Gibb in the 60’s. The type of talk that generally proves destructive and sets up defensive reactions in the listener is talk that is evaluative, controlling, strategic, indifferent or neutral, superior, and certain.


Evaluation When you evaluate or judge another person or what that person has done, that person is likely to become resentful and defensive and perhaps at the same time to become equally evaluative and judgmental. In contrast, when you describe what happened or what you want, it creates no such defensiveness and is generally seen as supportive. The distinction between evaluation and description can be seen in the differences between you-messages and I-messages. You-messages are evaluative (you never reveal your feelings; you just don’t plan ahead, you never call me) whereas I-messages are more descriptive (I would like hearing how you feel about this; I need to know what our schedule for the next few days will be; I’d enjoy hearing from you more often. If you put yourself in the role of the listener hearing these statements, you probably can feel the resentment or defensiveness that the evaluative messages (you-messages) would create and the supportiveness from the descriptive messages (I-messages).

Control When you try to control the behavior of the other person, when you order the other person to do this or that, or when you make decisions without mutual discussion and agreement, defensiveness is a likely response. Control messages deny the legitimacy of the person’s contributions and in fact deny his or her importance. When, on the other hand, you focus on the problem at hand—not on controlling the situation or getting your own way—defensiveness is much less likely. This problem orientation invites mutual participation and recognizes the significance of each person’s contributions.

Strategy When you use strategy and try to get around other people or situations through manipulation—especially when you conceal your true purposes—others are likely to resent it and to respond defensively. But when you act openly and with spontaneity, you’re more likely to create an atmosphere that is equal and honest.

Neutrality When you demonstrate neutrality—in the sense of indifference or a lack of caring for the other person—it’s likely to create defensiveness. Neutrality seems to show a lack of empathy or interest in the thoughts and feelings of the other person; it is especially damaging when intimates are in conflict. This kind of talk says, in effect, “You’re not important or deserving of attention and caring.” When, on the other hand, you demonstrate empathy, defensiveness is unlikely to occur. Although it can be especially difficult in conflict situations, try to show that you can understand what the other person is going through and that you accept these feelings.

Superiority When you present yourself as superior to the other person, you put the other person in an inferior position, and this is likely to be resented. Such superiority messages say in effect that the other person is inadequate or somehow second class. A superior attitude is a violation of the implicit equality contract that people in a close relationship have. The other person may then begin to attack your superiority; the conflict can quickly degenerate into a conflict over who’s the boss, with personal attacks being the mode of interaction.

Certainty The person who appears to know it all is likely to be resented, so certainty often sets up a defensive climate. After all, there is little room for negotiation or mutual problem solving when one person already has the answer. An attitude of provisionalism—“Let’s explore this issue together and try to find a solution”—is likely to be much more productive than closed-mindedness.

To summarize, the following are suggestions for fostering supportiveness rather than defensiveness:

·         Talk descriptively rather than evaluatively.

·         Focus on the problem rather than on personalities.

·         Act and react honestly and spontaneously, rather than strategically.

·         Empathize with the other person.

·         Approach the conflict resolution process as an equal and treat the other person as an equal.

·         Be provisional; suggest rather than demand.

·          

Read More

Communication Strategies: Empathy

In this continuing effort to identify and explain (briefly and practically) the skills/strategies of interpersonal communication, here is a brief discussion of empathy.

    Empathy is feeling what another person feels from that person’s point of view without losing your own identity. Empathy enables you to understand emotionally what another person is experiencing. (To sympathize, in contrast, is to feel for the person—to feel sorry or happy for the person, for example.) Women, research shows, are perceived as more empathic and engage in more empathic communication than do men. So following these suggestions may come more easily to women.

 Empathy is best expressed in two distinct parts: thinking empathy and feeling empathy. In thinking empathy you express an understanding of what the other person means. For example, when you paraphrase someone’s comment, showing that you understand the meaning the person is trying to communicate, you’re communicating thinking empathy. The second part is feeling empathy; here you express your feeling of what the other person is feeling. You demonstrate a similarity between what you’re feeling and what the other person is feeling. Often you’ll respond with both thinking and feeling empathy in the same brief response; for example, when a friend tells you of problems at home, you may respond by saying, for example, “Your problems at home do seem to be getting worse. I can imagine how you feel so angry at times.”

Here are a few more specific suggestions to help you communicate both your feeling and your thinking empathy more effectively:

<  Be Clear. Make it clear that you’re trying to understand, not to evaluate, judge, or criticize.

<  Focus. Maintain eye contact, an attentive posture, and physical closeness to focus your concentration. Express involvement through facial expressions and gestures.

<  Reflect. In order to check the accuracy of your perceptions and to show your commitment to understanding the speaker, r eflect back to the speaker the feelings that you think are being expressed. Offer tentative statements about what you think the person is feeling; for example, “You seem really angry with your father” or “I hear some doubt in your voice.”

<  Disclose. When appropriate, use your own self-disclosures to communicate your understanding; but be careful that you don’t refocus the discussion on yourself.

<  Address mixed messages. At times you may want to identify and address any mixed messages that the person is sending as a way to foster more open and honest communication. For example, if your friend verbally expresses contentment but shows nonverbal signs of depression, it may be prudent to question the possible discrepancy.

< Acknowledge importance. Make it clear that you understand the depth of a person’s feelings.

Read More

Communication Strategies: Expressiveness

In some of my books, I'm integrating much of the material on skills that I once had in boxes. But, some may still prefer the box presentation. This one is on expressiveness. Others are all labeled "Communicaton Strategies: Skill".

Expressiveness is the skill of communicating genuine involvement in the conversation; it entails, for example, taking responsibility for your thoughts and feelings, encouraging expressiveness or openness in others, and providing appropriate feedback. As you can easily appreciate, these are the qualities that make a conversation exciting and satisfying. Expressiveness includes both verbal and nonverbal messages and often involves revealing your emotions and your normally hidden self—bringing in a variety of interpersonal skills noted earlier.

Communicating Expressiveness. Here are a few suggestions for communicating expressiveness.

<  Vary your vocal rate, pitch, volume, and rhythm to convey involvement and interest. Vary your language; avoid clichés and trite expressions, which signal a lack of originality and personal involvement.

<  Use appropriate gestures, especially gestures that focus on the other person rather than yourself. Maintain eye contact and lean toward the person; at the same time, avoid self-touching gestures or directing your eyes to others in the room.

<  Give verbal and nonverbal feedback to show that you’re listening. Such feedback promotes relationship satisfaction.

<  Smile. Your smile is probably your most expressive feature and it will likely be much appreciated.

<  Communicate expressiveness in ways that are culturally sensitive. Some cultures (Italian, for example) encourage expressiveness and teach children to be expressive. Other cultures (Japanese and Thai, for example) encourage a more reserved response style. Some cultures (Arab and many Asian cultures, for example) consider expressiveness by women in business settings to be inappropriate; in other cultures it would be inappropriate for women not to be expressive.

Read More

Communication Strategies: Flexibility

Flexibility is a quality of thinking and behaving in which you vary your messages based on the unique situation in which you find yourself. It's one of the essential skills of interpersonal communication.
One measure of flexibility asks you to consider how true you believe certain statements are——statements such as

·         “People should be frank and spontaneous in conversation” or

·         “When angry, a person should say nothing rather than say something he or she will be sorry for later.”

The “preferred” answer to all such questions is “sometimes true,” underscoring the importance of flexibility in all interpersonal situations. 

As you can appreciate, flexibility is especially important when communicating your feelings, be they positive or negative. It’s especially important in emotional communication because it’s in times of emotional arousal that you’re likely to forget the varied choices you have available. And of course this is exactly the time when you need to consider your choices. The greater your flexibility, the more likely you’ll be to see the varied choices you do have for communicating in any situation.

Increasing Flexibility. Here are a few ways to cultivate interpersonal flexibility.

<  Realize that no two situations or people are exactly alike; consider what is different about this situation or person and take these differences into consideration as you construct your messages.

<  Recognize that communication always takes place in a context; discover what that unique context is and ask yourself how it might influence your messages. Communicating bad news during a joyous celebration, for example, needs to be handled quite differently from communicating good news.

<  Become aware of the constant change in people and in things. Everything is in a state of flux. Even if the way you communicated last month was effective, that doesn’t mean it will be effective today or tomorrow. Realize too that sudden changes (the death of a lover or a serious illness) will influence what are and what are not appropriate messages.

<  Appreciate the fact that every situation offers you different options for communicating. Consider these options and try to predict the effects each option might have.

Read More