Prosocial Communication

This discussion of prosocial communication is a preliminary version of a section I'm considering adding to the new edition of The Interpersonal Communication Book. It would be the final section of the last chapter. I'd be very interested in hearing what you think of this section. Any comments, positive or negative, will be greatly appreciated.

Prosocial Communication

  

In Chapter 10 we looked at the dark side of interpersonal relationships (jealousy and relationship violence) and, in this chapter, we looked at the misuses of power (sexual harassment, bullying, and power plays), other “dark” sides. As a counterpoint to these “dark” sides we need also to highlight the more positive sides of interpersonal communication and relationships or what we might call prosocial communication. Here we consider the nature of prosocial communication, the factors that influence or inhibit such communication, some examples of prosocial communication, and some of its potential effects.

The Nature of Prosocial Communication

Prosocial communication is communication that benefits another individual, group, society, or the entire species in some way. The communication may be verbal or nonverbal or, as usual, some combination of verbal and nonverbal messages.

          A simple smile, compliment, or helpful advice would be examples of prosocial communication benefiting another individual’s self-esteem or future behavioral choices. A phone call or text to report a crime or a person in need of medical attention would also be examples of prosocial communication. The publication of research is another example of prosocial communication since it advances our knowledge of some topic in some way.  And, to the extent that knowledge is beneficial, the publication of research is prosocial. Speeches or posts espousing accepted values in a culture—whether they be equality, democracy, freedom of speech-–would be considered examples of prosocial communication benefiting the larger social group.

          As you might expect the definition of prosocial communication will vary with the culture. And so, while supporting gay rights or women’s rights in some cultures would be considered prosocial, it would not be in others. And the same is true with a wide variety of religious, political, and social issues.

On the Internet both crowdsourcing and crowdfunding are examples of prosocial communication (Sproull, Conley, & Moon, 2004). When you help another person find the right plumber or get opinions on different graduate schools (as you would in responding to a crowdsourcing request), you’re engaging in prosocial communication. Similarly, when you send in a donation for a particular project (as you would in responding to a crowdfunding request), you’re engaging in a prosocial act or at least you assume the request is legitimate rather than a scam. Also needed to be included here are the numerous prosocial communication options for comments on posts.

Prosocial communication is not the opposite of anti-social communication. If you give a homeless person money for coffee, we’d say this is a prosocial act but if you don’t give it, it doesn’t mean that your behavior is anti-social. It’s just not, in this case, prosocial.

And, contrary to what many would think, prosocial communication is not necessarily altruistic. Altruism may motivate the prosocial communication but it is not an essential component. In fact, there is some evidence that altruism is the primary motivation for prosocial behavior generally (Stiff, Dillard, Somera, Kim, & Sleight, 2009). But, prosocial communication may also be motivated by selfishness, the need for approval or as a preface to asking a favor. It does not have to be motivated by positive emotions such as love, empathy, or friendship. In fact, some theorists would argue that all behavior (even prosocial behavior) is motivated by egoism, not altruism (http://www.iep.utm.edu/psychego/).

Factors Influencing Prosocial Communication

A wide variety of factors can be identified that may influence prosocial communication. Some factors encourage and others inhibit the expression of prosocial communication.

One factor is that of similarity. Similarity encourages prosocial communication; you’re more apt to engage in prosocial communication with those who are similar to you than with those who are different—whether in sex, in age, in culture, or in religion--than you are with those who are unlike you. Dissimilarity often reduces the likelihood of prosocial communication.

Your relationship bonds will influence your prosocial communication.  As you’d expect, you’re more likely to engage in prosocial communication with those you are friends with or those you love. This seems partly due to the expectation (or perhaps obligation) you have towards friends and family and partly due to your wanting to do good things for friends and family (that is, to people you like). With enemies or with disliked others, prosocial communication is likely to be inhibited.

When someone engages in prosocial communication that benefits you, you’re more likely to reciprocate and return prosocial communication. This is simply another example of the law of reciprocity—you are apt to engage in behavior that is similar to the behavior of others; you tend to give back what you are given.

Your history of reinforcement will influence your prosocial communication, as it will any form of communication. If you’ve been rewarded for prosocial communication, you’d be more likely to continue to engage in and even increase such communication. If you were punished for it or if it was ignored, you’d likely decrease such communication. Even expressions of gratitude increase the likelihood of prosocial behavior and communication (Grant & Gino, 2010). Similarly, the expectation of reward will influence your prosocial communication. We live in a world that, at least on the surface, rewards prosocial communication. Those who engage in prosocial communication seem to be liked more than those who don’t. And so, you might engage in prosocial communication because you anticipate that it will lead others to reward you in some way, perhaps to like you more.

Your personality affects your communication and certain personality traits, for example, altruism, will encourage prosocial communication and other personality traits, for example, selfishness, will likely lead to less such communication. Some research finds that the prosocial orientation depends on two major personality traits: other-oriented empathy and helpfulness (Penner & Orom, 2010).

The teachings of your culture and with those with whom you come into contact will influence your tendencies to engage in prosocial communication. Your culture has taught you about the rules for prosocial communication and you likely follow these unconsciously internalized rules. For example, collectivist cultures such as Venezuela, Indonesia, Pakistan, Guatemala, and China emphasize prosocial communication more than individualist cultures such as the United States, Australia, Canada, Italy, and Denmark. It is, for example, extremely important in collectivist cultures to be supportive of the other person, to praise the other person, to not call any errors to attention, to agree rather than disagree—all prosocial communication. This doesn’t mean that these communications are not supported in individualist cultures; they are, but just not as much. In addition to the rules of the culture, you also learn to engage in prosocial communication from parents, from teachers, and from peers. You may be praised by your parents for saying nice things about your kid sister or notice that those who engage in prosocial communication seem to be liked more than those who don’t.

And, because culture influences the genderroles we learn, your gender will also influence prosocial communication. Generally, research finds that both genders engage in prosocial communication equally but in different ways.  Women seem to engage in more prosocial verbal communication while men are more likely to engage in more prosocial nonverbal communication (Dickman & Eagly, 2000).  For example, a man is more likely to go into a burning building to rescue someone or to break up a fight and a woman is more likely to express positive feelings and give compliments.

One additional factor should be noted and that is the situation that arises when you’re in a crowd and someone is in need of help. Research shows that in these situations, you are less likely to help. This tendency is referred to as the diffusion of responsibility (Darley & Latane, 1968). The idea here is that people feel they needn’t do anything since someone else in the crowd is likely to do it. A related factor influencing whether or not you offer to act prosocially is your view of the crowd. When you make your decision to act or not to act (that is, to help the person in need), you may take your cues from the crowd and if the crowd does nothing, then you figure you shouldn’t either. Appropriately enough, this tendency is referred to as pluralistic ignorance (Latane & Darley, 1970) and can lead to a variety of negative consequences (Fisher, et al., 2011).

Examples of Prosocial Communication

Throughout your course and textbook, numerous examples of prosocial communication have been identified. Here are just ten to remind you of the varied ways in which following the principles of interpersonal communication may lead to prosocial communication.

·       Communicating with cultural sensitivity. People benefit in their self-view when their cultural beliefs are understood and respected.

·       Listening empathically.When you listen empathically, you’re performing a prosocial communication act by providing a supportive and understanding ear.

·       Responding appropriately to the emotional expression of others. When you offer comfort and support to the grief stricken, you’re performing a prosocial communication act.

·       Confirming. Communications that acknowledge the importance and contributions of another are likely to have a beneficial effect while disconfirming messages are likely to yield no such benefits and perhaps a variety of negative responses.

·       Advising. When you offer advice, assuming it is asked for, you are performing a prosocial communication act by sharing what you know or think with another person in an effort to comfort or reassure them.

·       Complimenting. When you compliment someone for a job well done or for looking good, you’re performing a prosocial communication act by helping the other person to feel more positively.

·       Mentoring/Sharing. When you mentor someone, you’re performing a prosocial communication act by sharing with them your expertise and experience—making them more efficient workers or better speakers, for example. Teaching in all its forms would be included here.

·       Communicating politely. When you respect a person’s need for both positive and negative face, you’re engaging in prosocial communication.

·       Argue fairly and constructively. When you engage in conflict fairly and constructively you show respect and confirm the other person. So, when you’re argumentative rather than aggressive, you’re engaging in prosocial communication.

·       Responding to the dark side of interpersonal communication. When you confront bullying or sexual harassment constructively (and safely) you’re performing a prosocial communication function.

Effects of Prosocial Communication

Prosocial communication most obviously has an effect on the other person. As the examples given above illustrate prosocial communication benefits other people by making them feel better about themselves or enabling them to do what they do more effectively and/or more efficiently.

          But, your prosocial behavior also has an effect on you; you feel better about yourself for having done something good for someone else. In fact, there is considerable research showing that personal pleasure and happiness often comes from helping others (https://thinklivebepositive.wordpress.com/category/helping-others-makes-you-happy/).

          And, in many ways, prosocial communication benefits the society as a whole when, for example, you campaign for clean water or when you argue against injustice. Even when you mentor a young person, for example, you’re influencing the larger society by helping this person do a better job—be a better bus driver (benefiting the passengers), or teacher (benefiting students), or store clerk (making life easier for harried customers). Each act has ripple effects and prosocial communication has positive ripple effects.

Exercises and Discussion Questions

Giving and Receiving Prosocial Communication

Here are two scenarios which have the potential for prosocial communication. Examining these situations will further clarify the nature and function of prosocial communication. The first scenario focuses on your making prosocial communication choices and the second on the prosocial communication you might like to receive from others.

Giving Prosocial Communication

One of your close friends has been having a pretty awful time; failed two courses, lost a great part-time job, and was dumped by a long-time romantic partner. Your friend call you; tells you all this and pauses, waiting for you to say something.

1.     Identify two or three choices for prosocial communication, select the one you think best, and explain why you think this is the best choice.

2.     In what way might this choice benefit the other person?

3.     In what way might this choice benefit you?

4.     In what way might this choice benefit the larger social group or society as a whole?

Receiving Prosocial Communication

At dinner with four of your closest friends, you mention that you are feeling depressed lately and are thinking of quitting college.

1.     Identify two or three choices for your friends’ prosocial communication that you might find useful.

2.     In what way might these choices benefit you?

3.     In what way might these choices benefit your friends?

4.     In what way might these choices benefit the larger social group or society as a whole?

Defining Prosocial Communication

There is no universally accepted definition of prosocial communication. Some theorists define it as behavior that benefits another but with no thought of personal reward; others define it as behavior that is intended to serve a prosocial function. Here are a few questions about: Where is prosocial communication?

a.      Is it in the intention of the communicator? Would a totally destructive bit of advice be prosocial communication if there was the intention to help. For example, would a friend’s advice on how to dress, that leads the person into a long period of depression, be prosocial if the friend’s intentions were good and were intended to help rather than harm the friend? 

b.     Is it in the non-expectation of gain? Some definitions of prosocial behavior define it as behavior that benefits others without the expectation of any personal gain. So, does the real estate salesperson engage in prosocial communication when she convinces a potential buyer to buy a house—that is sure to (and actually does) increase dramatically in value—when her motivation is the commission she’ll earn from the sale?

c.       Is it in the message? Consider this: you’re having coffee with your romantic partner and announce your desire to break up. Your partner is overcome with shock and goes to the restroom. Almost immediately after getting up, a stray bullet is fired and would have hit your partner had your partner not gotten up. Was the breakup speech prosocial communication?

d.     Is it in the effect? Let’s say, Jim wants to bankrupt John and so convinces him to invest all his assets in a particular stock. Contrary to Jim’s expectation, the stock soars in value and John becomes a multi-millionaire. Was Jim’s communication prosocial?

So, in your opinion, where is prosocial communication? How would you define prosocial communication?

Discussion Questions

1.     How would you describe an insincere compliment in terms of prosocial communication? A forced smile?

2.     What role does emotion work play in prosocial communication?

3.     How would you describe the rules of netiquette generally or the rules for communicating on any one of the varied social media sites in terms of prosocial communication?

4.     In what way does Facebook, Twitter, or any of the online dating sites promote prosocial communication? Can you find examples that might discourage prosocial communication?

5.     How would you describe the prosocial behavior in general and the prosocial communication in particular exhibited by the typical superhero?

6.     How would you explain the role of prosocial communication in developing and maintaining friendship and/or romantic relationships? What role does prosocial communication have on the immediate and extended family?

7.     How would you describe your own prosocial communications? Consider, for example, such concepts as the contexts in which such behavior occurs, the channels used, the feedback, and the effects.

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Polite Messages: An Exercise in Interpersonal Communication

This exercise is designed to help explain the concept of politeness in terms of positive and negative face (Brown & Levinson, 1987; Cupach & Metts, 1994; Goffman, 1967; Goldsmith, 2007; Holmes 1995; Metts & Cupach, 2008).

To Know

In Brown and Levinson’s (1987) theory of politeness, based in part on Goffman’s (1967) concept of face, we all have basically two needs: (1) the need to maintain positive face and (2) the need to maintain negative face. Positive face refers to the desire to be viewed positively by others, to be thought of favorably, to be held in high esteem. Negative face refers to the desire to be autonomous, to have the right to do as you wish, to not be imposed upon.

Politeness in interpersonal communication, then, refers to behavior that allows others to maintain both positive and negative face; and impoliteness refers to behaviors that attack either positive face (for example, you criticize someone) or negative face (for example, you make demands on someone).

To help another person maintain positiveface, you speak respectfully to and about the person, you give the person your full attention, you say “excuse me” when appropriate. In short you treat the person as you would want to be treated. In this way you allow the person to maintain positive face through what is called positive politeness. You attack the person’s positive face when you speak disrespectfully about the person, ignore the person or the person’s comments, and fail to use the appropriate expressions of politeness, such as “Thank you” and “Please.” It is attacks on positive face—sometimes called FTAs for Face Threatening Acts—that the term dissing is meant to capture. Made popular in the 1980s in rap music, the term refers to a form of impoliteness in which you criticize, act rudely, insult, put down, offend, or disrespect another person, verbally and/or nonverbally. It attacks a person’s positive face needs, the need to be approved of, to be respected.

To help another person maintain negative face, you respect the person’s right to be autonomous and so you request, rather than demand, that they do something; you say, “Would you mind opening a window” rather than “Open that window!” You might also give the person an “out” when making a request, allowing the person to reject your request if that is what the person wants. And so you say, “If this is a bad time, please tell me, but I’m really strapped and could use a loan of $100” rather than “You have to lend me $100.” If you want a recommendation, you might say, “Would it be possible for you to write me a recommendation for graduate school?” rather than “You have to write me a recommendation for graduate school.” In this way you enable the person to maintain negative face through what is called negative politeness.

To Do

Indicate how each of the following examples is impolite in terms of attacking positive and/or negative face by filling in as many boxes as you can in no more than 10 minutes.

Behaviors	Violation of Positive Face Needs	Violation of Negative Face Needs
1.      Failure to return the eye brow flash.
2.      Not indicating liking or +1 for a friend’s post.
3.      Criticizing another’s religious beliefs.
4.      Texting during dinner with a romantic partner.
5.      Cat calls.
6.      Asking for a favor.
7.      Interruptions which take over the speaker’s turn.
8.      Walking into another’s office without knocking.
9.      Not using normally expected honorifics such as Dr., Professor, General, or Officer.
10.  Accusing someone of some misdeed.

To Discuss

After all have completed this exercise, discussion might center on such issues as these:

1.      Under what circumstances can each of these behaviors become less impolite?

2.      Do you notice a gender difference in the use of these behaviors? If so, in what specific ways?

3.      What are some other examples of behaviors that violate our face needs?

To Read [References]

1.       Brown, P., & Levinson, S. C. (1987). Politeness: Some universals of language usage. Cambridge: Cambridge University Press.

2.       Cupach, W. R., & Metts, S. (1994). Facework. Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage.

3.       Goffman, E. (1967). Interaction ritual: Essays on face-to-face behavior. New York, NY: Pantheon.

4.       Goldsmith, D. J. (2007). Brown and Levinson’s politeness theory. In Explaining communication: Contemporary theories and exemplars(pp. 219–236), B. B. Whaley & W. Samter (eds.). Mahwah, NJ: Erlbaum.

5.       Holmes, J. (1995). Women, men and politeness.New York, NY: Longman.

6.       Metts, S., & Cupach, W. R. (2008). Face theory. In Engaging theories in interpersonal communication: Multiple perspectives(pp. 203–214), L. A. Baxter & D. O. Braithwaite (eds.). Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage.

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Responding to Rudeness

Here's an interesting article that offers interesting suggestions for Responding to Rudeness which should work well in a class in the discussion of conversation or a variety of other interpersonal topics. Among the suggestions offered are how to respond to catcalls, unwanted and negative comments on your appearance, or friends who reveal personal information.  It would be interesting to see how students would deal with each of these several issues and if there's a gender or age difference in the responses.

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Get Ready to Study Interpersonal Communication

This post is designed for users of my Interpersonal Communication Book but the idea can easily be adapted to any text you might be using.

To explain: In revising my Interpersonal Communication Book, I developed an introductory feature that opens the discussion of the chapter by asking students to consider a how the contents of the chapter relate to their own experiences.  Pearson—the publisher—thought this feature would interfere with the learning objectives—that the student would be confused between these items and the learning objectives. At any rate, I eliminated the feature from the text—maybe it would have been too much introductory material, though I doubt that any college student would be confused between these questions and the learning objectives. Yet, I still think this is an excellent way to open the discussions for each of the various chapters.

            These “Get Ready” items follow the revised edition which is currently in production—we used to say “in press” but there are so many interactive elements being inserted into the text that “in press” no longer seems very descriptive. Note that the listening chapter now follows the verbal and nonverbal chapters—a change I made that will make the discussions of lying (in Chapter 4) and lie detection/listening to lies (in Chapter 6) flow more logical. Each of the bullets refers to one of the major heads in the chapter. Feel free to use this as is or revise it to suit your own purposes.

Chapter One Foundations of Interpersonal Communication

Get ready to read about interpersonal communication by thinking about:

·        What do you want to accomplish in this course? What do you want this course to do for you?

·        How would you describe your interpersonal communication behavior? With whom do you interact? Through what channel? What do you communicate about?

·         How effective an interpersonal communicator would you consider yourself?

Chapter Two Cultural and Interpersonal Communication

Get ready to read about culture and interpersonal communication by thinking about:

·        How would you describe your culture and its influence on your current attitudes and behaviors?

·        From your experience, how do you see cultures differing from one another?

·        How would an effective intercultural communicator act?

Chapter Three Perception of the Self and Others in Interpersonal Communication

Get ready to read about perception of self and others by thinking about:

·        How well do you know yourself? How do you value yourself; what’s your level of self-esteem?

·        What image of yourself do you want to project to others? What specifically do you do to project this image?

Chapter Four Verbal Messages in Interpersonal Communication

Get ready to read about verbal messages by thinking about:

·        How would you describe your style of using language?

·        How effective are you in getting others to understand what you really mean?

·        How would you describe your language in terms of cultural sensitivity?

Chapter Five Nonverbal Messages

Get ready to read about nonverbal communication by thinking about:

·         In what ways do you communicate without words?

·         What do these nonverbal messages do—that is, what meanings do they communicate?

·         What makes for an effective nonverbal communicator?

Chapter Six Listening in Interpersonal Communication

Get ready to read about listening by thinking about:

·         How would you rate yourself as a listener? What makes you a good or bad listener?

·         What do you see as the barriers to your listening effectiveness?

·         What 3 adjectives would others use to describe your style of listening?

Chapter Seven Emotional Messages

Get ready to read about emotional communication by thinking about:

·         How important is expressing your feelings to others?

·         How would you describe what happens when you experience strong feelings?

·         How effective are you in communicating your true feelings? How effective are you in responding to the emotions of others?

Chapter Eight Conversational Messages

Get ready to read about conversation by thinking about:

·        How good a conversationalist would your friends and associates say you were?

·        What makes you a good or bad conversationalist?

·        How comfortable are you with small talk? Introducing others? Making excuses? Apologizing? Giving and receiving compliments? Giving and receiving advice?

Chapter Nine Interpersonal Relationships Stages, Theories, and Communication

Get ready to read about interpersonal relationships by thinking about:

·        How would you describe the way you communicate when you develop, maintain, and dissolve relationships?

·        What do your relationships do for you?

Chapter Ten Interpersonal Relationship Types

Get ready to read about the different types of relationships by thinking about:

·        What do you mean by “friendship,” “love,” and “family?”

·        How would you describe the communication that takes place in the workplace?

·        What has been your experience with or observation of jealousy and relationship violence?

Chapter Eleven Interpersonal Conflict and Conflict Management

Get ready to read about interpersonal conflict by thinking about its role in your own life:

·        How would you define interpersonal conflict?

·        What seem to be the main causes of conflict in your own relationships?

·        How do you usually deal with conflict?

Chapter Twelve Interpersonal Power and Influence

Get ready to read about power and influence by thinking about how these operate in your own life:

·        How would you describe your own power and influence among your interpersonal relations?

·        How does power and influence operate in your interactions?

·        Do you experience or observe any unfair use of power?

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Exercises in Interpersonal Power 3 and 4

Here are two additional exercises that may prove useful in the discussion of power and interpersonal communication.  As I mentioned in the previous exercises in power post, these topics are covered in depth in Chapter 12 of The Interpersonal Communication Book, but are covered in different ways in other texts as well. So, they may be useful in just about any interpersonal communication or human communication course.

Credibility

Select a YouTube video of a person giving a talk, leading a meeting, advertising a product, or otherwise attempting to inform or persuade others and analyze the person’s credibility or believability by completing the following table.

Dimensions of Credibility	Verbal and Nonverbal Messages of Credibility
Does the person appear competent, knowledgeable, and expert? (no) 1     2     3     4    5     6     7 (yes, very)	What specific verbal or nonverbal messages lead you to evaluate this person’s competence as you did? 1. 2. 3.
Does the person appear to have high moral character, good intentions, and enduring values? (no) 1     2     3     4    5     6     7 (yes, very)	What specific verbal or nonverbal messages lead you to evaluate this person’s character as did? 1. 2. 3.
Does the person appear dynamic, pleasant, and friendly? (no) 1     2     3     4    5     6     7 (yes, very)	What specific verbal or nonverbal messages lead you to evaluate this person’s charisma as you did? 1. 2. 3.

Power Plays

Power plays are patterns of behavior (not isolated instances) that are used repeatedly by one person to unfairly influence or take advantage of another person. For each of these five power plays develop a cooperative response in which you accomplish these three purposes:

1.       Express your feelings

2.       Describe the behavior to which you object

3.       State a cooperative response that you both can live with comfortably

Nobody Upstairs

A casual friend sends you e-mails just about every day—long ones with jokes and photos that you’re really not interested in and expects you to respond to these inane messages. You’ve asked your friend not to send these but they still keep coming. You need these to stop.

1.

2.

3.

You Owe Me

A work colleague repeatedly gives you little gifts and then later asks for a favor, casually and subtly reminding you of all these little gifts. You don’t want these gifts and you resent being put into the position of having to pay back.

1.

2.

3.

Yougottobekidding

A work colleague repeatedly attacks your ideas with phrases like “you got to be kidding,” “you can’t be serious,” and “you can’t possibly mean that.” Although you’ve voiced annoyance with this, these attacks continue.

1.

2.

3.

Thought Stoppers

Your supervisor constantly interrupts you and prevents you from completing your thoughts. Your ideas are good ones and would benefit the company and the workers but you never get a chance to voice your thoughts in sufficient detail. You need to stop this thought stopping.

1.

2.

3.

Metaphor

Your parents never like or approve of anyone you date—this one’s a dog, this other one’s a snake, and this other one’s a leech. You love your parents but you need them to stop doing this; it’s demoralizing and extremely uncomfortable.

1.

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3.

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